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Lesson 5:
Avoiding and Resolving Conflicts
Inevitably when people work together, they have different ideas of how things should be done. It is important that people have effective ways of dealing with different perspectives and personalities when involved in a potentially conflicting situation.

How do you respond to conflict?

Instructions: In order to evaluate how you respond to conflict, list people with whom you occasionally have conflict. Then use the form below by placing a check mark by the description of the way you deal with each individual. If there are strategies that you use and you would like to change, look through the preceeding lessons in the unit and decide what you might do instead. This is for your self-evaluation and is not an item for submission.

1.Avoid the person.               
2.Change the subject.                
3.Admit that you are wrong, even if you are not.                
4.Give in.                 
5.Pretend you agree.                
6.Whine or complain until you get your way.                
7.Play the martyr. Give in, but let the other person know how much you are suffering.                
8.Try to reach a compromise.                
9.Try to understand the other person's point of view.                
10.Try to find a new solution both of you will find acceptable.                
11.Be persistent. Wear down the opposition.                
12.Use your authority. Order the other person to obey you.                
13.Use sarcasm or ridicule.                
14.Defend your position.                
15.Use your power to win your position.                
16.Acknowledge the conflict and work for consensus.                
17.Try to eliminate to gain the advantage.                
18.Other:                

Accepting Constructive Criticism:

Constructive criticism is most effective when it is delivered in a relaxed manner. Criticism should exist to help the paraeducator or teacher understand what behaviors or work habits can be improved. Constructive criticism can be enhanced through the use of "I messages".

I messages give you a way to deal with conflict. "I Messages" can help you separate the person from the problem and allow you to deal with the situation at hand without being aggressive towards another person. I Messages let you explain to another person how their behavior or actions effect you, without being perceived as hostile.

The following activity is designed to help you practice using "I messages" as a method of solving problems.

Conflict Resolution

Use of I Messages

For this activity you are to demonstrate the use of "I messages." The formula for the I message is as follows:

I feel (description of the feeling) when (objective description of the event) because (how the behavior affects me).

Remember, if after active listening the person confronted does not show an interest in problem solving, you are to give a stronger I message.

  1. For the last four days a fellow educator has parked her car so close to the driver's side of your car that you have to enter from the passenger side.

    * An example of an I message could be: "I feel frustrated when you park your car so close to mine because I am unable to get into my car from the drivers side, causing me to have to crawl over the gear shift from the passenger side of the car."

  2. You keep snacks in your desk to eat at school. Your principal regularly helps himself to these without asking, often consuming all of them.

  3. Part of your assignment as the resource paraeducator has been to go with a student to a regular classroom and assist. The regular teacher has made a commitment to allow this student more time to take the tests given in class. However, this is not practiced in the classroom. The student is now failing.

  4. A classroom teacher has promised to hold regular conferences with you to discuss planning for students and how you should record student progress on jointly planned interventions. This has not occurred and you are very concerned.

  5. A fellow paraeducator talks in a negative manner about her job while the two of you are eating lunch in the lounge.

Problem Solving Model

When problems arise, it is best to try to solve the problem through the use of communication. The following model is designed to allow the paraeducator to solve problems in a non-confrontational manner. The model utilizes five steps in which participants communicate ideas, problems, alternatives, and solutions to one another.

Step One:
Identify the Problem- Put the problem into your own words. Try to use an "I message" to communicate your feelings. Allow the other person the opportunity to communicate their feelings as well.

Step Two:
Define and determine the causes of the problem - Determine what the real problem is. Get to the heart of the problem. Once you have determined what the problem is, try to determine the cause of the problem. What behaviors or circumstances lead to the problem. Both parties must agree on the problem and its causes before you can move to the next step.

Step Three:
Identify potential solutions - Brainstorm as many solutions as you can. Try not to think of pros and cons of the solutions generated. Do not analyze the solutions, just list them.

Step Four:
Analyze potential solutions - Evaluate each solution. Will it work and what will it entail? Narrow down the solutions and try to find a few that you can both agree on.

Step Five:
Select a solution - Decide on a solution that both parties can agree on. Make sure that both parties have an equal part in the solution. Decide who is going to do what and when. Set a date to meet again to discuss progress.

Step Six:
Evaluate the results- Has anything changed? Is another meeting needed?

It is important for you to always address the person with whom you have the problem. Work through the model and try to solve the problem with the other person. If you find that the problem still exists, go through the channels of command using the problem solving model.

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